A Scorpio Reflection
Drinking from a stream
My birthday was the 7th, and I know many people aren't into birthdays, but its honestly my favorite time of year...how Scorpio of me 🙃
I enjoy birthdays because it means a time of reflection, a year to plan and dream. I like to express gratitude for where I have been in the last year and where I am headed.
I like to getaway around my birthday and breathe different air but in November 2021 COVID is very much a real thing.
(UPDATE: My husband and I did get away to Vegas earlier this week and he surprised me with a Cirque De Soleil show. I love that he knows the way to my heart! )
I have now lived to see 32 years on this earth and since the day I turned 25 I have been much more intentional about the way I navigate my life, what I'm calling in, and what im working towards. I'll usually do a new challenge and/or learn something new. For my last birthdays I've taken up things like boxing, yoga, started my Masters degree, became vegetarian, learned about the power of manifesting and so on.
This year's theme has definitely been about getting to know myself (side note, I'm researching more about my Human Design and my Astrology Chart, its very interesting and I think everyone should look theirs up) I struggled this year with acknowledging that I don't know myself, I do tread lightly, I don't go all in, I am not an aggressive person when it comes to the theme of life AND IM FINALLY OKAY WITH THAT.
I Move to the beat of my own drum and I'm so sure of myself with that, but for a while I felt like it was a bad thing... you know living in a society that wants you to accomplish goals yesterday, run on caffeine, and look like a trophy wife all at the same time... but i digress.
I have a defined Solar Plexus, which in Human Design is the way we make decisions. The emotional Solar Plexus is the awareness center for emotional intelligence, feelings, moods, Spiritual consciousness etc. With a defined Solar Plexus It is difficult for me to be spontaneous, To move forward I need clarity and will wait until I see it through (Working with crystals has aided me in that). Really this just affirms for me that my self work is important and relevant to who I am.
Now, I'm going to go on a tangent for a sec to say that the Solar Plexus is a yellow chakra. Yellow is my favorite color and symbolizes confidence, motivation, and a strong sense of identity.
Young Natalie (center)
In reflecting this past year, I acknowledge that I’ve felt insecure about myself for feeling like I don’t know who i am, carrying a guilt for not being more "woke", not being as understanding or compassionate, its been a type of unexplainable sadness in thinking, “How have I unconsciously navigated my life like this for this long”
And by unconsciously I mean, not having an awareness of my feelings and emotions, spending my time worrying about my physical appearance, being self centered and selfish basically being toxic. Now, I've done a lot of work over the years to work on this, but I came to a point this year (like many people) where I wasn't quite untangling the parts of myself that needed the attention. My lifestyle was keeping me "safe"from taking the blindfolds off, but only enough to keep me from authentically getting to know myself.
So I stopped everything, I didn't want to hang out with anyone, I wasn't motivated by anything and I wasn't trying to pretend either. So here's what I uncovered by doing the work: Growing up I wasn't in any kid activities or sports, I was on the tennis team my Junior and Senior year of high school but that actually made me feel worse about myself, I didn't join any school clubs, or go to museums with my parents. My parents divorced when I was 7 so I didn't have them for guidance, I couldn't depend on them, they didn't communicate with me etc I wasn't a neglected child, I had adventures with my neighborhood friends, my aunts would show me the cool stuff like Sailor Moon and The Simpsons we even made cool home videos!
What Im getting at is that my parents had to work long hours to provide, they couldn't give my sisters and I more of themselves because they were giving themselves to their bosses, but they tried their best and I'm not blaming them at all! Im grateful because this is my story but, its only been recently that I'm coming in touch with my inner child.
I’m asking little Natalie:
What are your creative outlets?
What makes you feel heard?
What scares you?
How do you work best?
When are you uncomfortable?
Where are you happiest?
What do you believe in?
WHAT LIGHTS YOU UP?
I'm diving into that now more than ever. I'm not asking for approval or help, I want to figure it out and fail even. My life has been controlled by societies norms and expectations, I've done everything by the book, and naturally being who I now know that i am, ITS TOTALLY COOL. Im just trying to take care of the needs of my inner child now. I love her, she deserves the world so I'm going to give it to her. Natalie Love you, you Mickey Mouse loving child you!!
Natalie with Mickey Mouse
Natalie in a Mickey Mouse t-shirt
Okay so this blog didn't exactly go in the direction that i originally thought lol it came out better! lol
But ill wrap up by saying that 2022 is going to bring up many more wonderful experiences that I'm excited to share with the world soon!
For the upcoming year my focus is on living a healthy lifestyle. I want to get back to taking care of my body, fueling it with nutritious foods and learning some new recipes, because honestly my kitchen skills need some work and I love to eat. Im getting back on a normal exercise routine because I neglected it for a long time due to a long work commute and of course the pandemic that hit. I got blood work done recently and turns out I have high cholesterol... WTF! So anyway seems basic but that's just where I'm at... getting back to basics.
Tata my loves! and happy birthday to all the Scorpios out there, y'all are the shit!